Life is in progress and obliteration all at once. I have felt it for as long as I can remember. To know the nature of impermanence has made things simpler; it has given me the luxury of looking further beyond. All my dilemmas get sidelined and I reflect on the bigger things, most of them beyond my control, like my fate and destiny, the connection I feel with nature’s omnipresence, or my spirituality. These have been the more important things in life, after my survival of course. Likewise, there are culture, religion and other institutions, then love, compassion and empathy that have fueled my evolution. The unwritten law that relates us to one another in time and space or these words that make me the ‘social being’ then inject pride in me as well as offering me the self-acclaimed right to be on the top of the animal kingdom. I am flabbergasted apprehending that I am not just a woman but a human made of countless realities and infinite lies. Adrift in swarms heading in different directions of the city is when I become invisible, almost non existent.
If the theory of human evolution is true (which I have started doubting a little bit), it illustrates the seeds of my biological and social origins. When I realize how far we have come, I feel this surge of blood and emotions rise up to my head. Yet, I end up feeling even insignificant as I gather that many mysteries are yet to be uncovered and perhaps they never will be. Society probably exists as the answer, to remind me that even though I might be invisible, I am invincible, characterized by the relationship I have with the ever evolving creatures and civilization, my questions only contributing only as its building blocks. I feel proud of the journey I have as a human taken, I feel powerful.
What is this sense of power? Is it the fact that I am a part of this serenity, that makes me feel loftier? Or do I derive from placing my ego above everything else?
Siva and Shakti or Purusha and Prakriti, and Ishwara, the consciousness together make the nature work, the world go around. These make us capable to create. These terms are revered as gods and religion and celebrated but largely misinterpreted. When life happens just once and death occurs each second I wonder why I still feel anger and corrosion. Maybe it is a part of me, may be it is me, maybe it is what Shivashakti is all about and what I understand of it. The realism of our gift to create, operate and destroy, maybe it is what the rule of nature is and that is why I feel anger and the urge to hate.
Survival of the fittest sounds like the logical answer to my worries, the core that teaches us survival. The sense of being, which comes naturally to us, irrespective of one’s will being its catalyst. We love the way power makes us feel, the success it brings to our self-worth and life. As natural as survival comes emotions, which gives value and meaning to this materialistic world. We are not allowed to talk about our weaknesses, our animosity, expected to be perfect with no vices. To have a society that only welcomes success and not failure declares that we have not evolved enough to accept who we actually are. I wonder if we are that powerful why are we still not uncovering our true self, why is it still a taboo to celebrate one’s weaknesses? I have believed that love is the emotions that gives this evolution it’s essence but also have not forgotten that hate exists and it is on a rise.
We have been programmed to deliberate that it is fine to call a woman names, when she tries to break barriers that treat her inhumanly, or when she chooses a lifestyle, or stays single but chooses to be a mother. We have believed that women are second-class humans, which is purely a scandal to me. Human beings are crafted of supreme intellect paired with unmatchable conscience but we also horde hypocrisies and weaknesses. The kind that hides inside of us restricting our freedom that easily hides inside of us. Something that hides and is known only to ourselves. Hence, we pretend to be in sync with our gods whereas the reality is as dark as the tunnel with no light at the other end.
Each time a little girl is put to a slumber because she is a girl, or a woman who chooses to be in charge of her sexuality is called a whore, or a mother is beaten up in front of her children for not being a ‘dutiful’ wife, we lose a big part of our humanity. The lie that stratifies us and divides, dragging us away from the most natural of our feelings called self-respect or being told that we are adulterated because we bleed love and life is, it seems, a part of a bigger power conspiracy. Ungrateful to our creators and nurturers, immune to their pain of being mistreated can only take us a certain length, not beyond mortality.
We are denied justice because we are told that it is us who bring out the demon in a rapist or we the culprits because we crossed our gender contours. I am then reminded that a woman’s life is not fair, mercy comes but only with giant price. Patriarchy tells us that human beings can be classified in two vague categories, convinces us of violence and inequality and dictates what rights and humanity means. I do not need a system or a nation state to make me feel proud of who I was born as and what I might become. I do not want to be a part of a society that protects the perpetrator of a heinous crime with the privileges of patriarchy.
Today I question development schemes, laws, treaties and justice that exists for all of us but in reality is only on papers and only available to a certain group. I see these realities as a sign of our pretense and darkness, our preference of money, power and hate over our duties and compassion. I reject the verdict that has been served in front of me as the rulebook that takes away the most biological of my rights, to create and to call it my own.
To have half of the world’s population under countless layers of taboos, shackled in stereotypes and myths is a form of slavery, the mental slavery being of the worst nature. Once again I dispose of the orthodox ideas that attempt to convince me that not all of my unborn children are going to be equally special solely because of the gender they will be assigned to.
Times and instances like these are when I am reminded of the harsh voyage we have been put on as women, a silent war we have been taxing to fight. It might keep us blinded to the reality but it will never bypass the law of nature. Women are the fittest and will witness the end of time, hence I do not believe in emancipation of the social kind. I am waiting on that day when we will be spiritually emancipated to feel love. The day we will know that all of us are special and we were to discriminate at all, it could only be for people who make life happen and survive these harsh life confrontations. The silent war has taken a turn now; it is now about the trepidations that has been rooted in me. This pain is only making me the stronger self and I promise to contribute my strengths and beliefs to humanity and the nature that I am a part of. This Woman’s Day I pledge to trail my calling all through life and serve my purpose as a mortal human. I stand in solidarity with everybody who suffers unfairness and all the lives who have been told that they are not as special.
I pledge to work on my weaknesses or to uncover my strength and not be not fearful to exhibit who I am or uncover the human I might be.